2005 Cpa Notables Random Winners Questions/answer

Ransac

CPA Trash Man
Please let me know if I've left anyone out. I think I got them all, but you never know. If you're one of the "no replies" and you think you haven't recieved a random question from me, pm me and I'll resend it (I have them all in sent file, still)


CPA King- Spiderman
As your next royal decree, which five CPA members would you sentence to immediate death and why?

1. dannycheung and aliases: Pretty obvious why, but especially because unlike the smoker or account posters, he repeatedly kept registering and posting.
2. train: Because he got a job that keeps him from logging on the CPA every day, every hour like me
3. orgg: Because he won Most Likely to Post Naked. That just brings up disturbing images that will take several sessions of therapy to clear out (frankly, anyone winning that category brings up disturbing images)
4. Zadok001: for leaving the CPA unannounced. Especially since he's a Founder.
5. Ransac: for asking this question


Best Entrance- Ransac
Style is a thing of the past. Who should the new representative of the "new style" be and why?

Bozo the clown. The hair man, the hair.


Best New Person- jorael
A hedgehog is really three guinea pigs tied together. BUT, what are guinea pigs really?

Guinea pigs: space mutant killer monster snow goons from mars. Didn't ya know?


Control Nut- Killer Joe
What is the secret to gaining Word Domination? (Hint: It involves peanut butter and crisco)

"Word" domination? I believe it would be to start each morning with a healthy breakfast by having a bowl of Crisco, a spoonful of Peanut Butter (the crunchy kind is my favorite) and a list of words in all languages, including Latin, and study a minute a day while eating.


Beatdown Guy- Istanbul
There's a pastrami sandwich on the other side of the room calling for you. There are five losers trying to get to it before you. All you have is a paper clip, a straw, and a rubber band. How do you stop them?

Drop the junk and start beating the losers to death. When only one of them is still conscious, I inform him that I will cripple him for life unless he goes and gets me the sandwich, then I laugh as he limps over, gets the sandwich, and brings it back to me.


Combo Freak- Gizmo
What's the highest Combo you ever performed on the original "Killer Instinct". (Note: if you have never played this, make one up)

(No reply)


Best Deck Advice- joreal
The guy whom you held the door open for didn't tip you. How should you best kill him for this?

as he walks by I molest his knees with my bat. After that his arms are next. I finish him of by planting my huge 2-handed battle-axe in his head. I leave his corpse as a reminder for others that they should always tip. When someone askes "What happened to him?" I answer: "Give me a good tip and you won't find out.."


Best Deck Ideas- Istanbul
How long would it take to be able to design a deck that makes Safe Haven great?

0 minutes, 0 seconds. Already done it. <Note from Ransac: I am interested in seeing this decklist>


Most Likely to Post While Naked- orgg
How cold is TOO cold?

Absolute Zero. If Absolute Zero is reached, the atoms are not moving. If a moving atom hits a nonmoving atom, it will also stop with a great force of energy, the burst of which will attract more atoms, causing several atoms to shoot over to the object that is at Absolute Zero. This will cause the entire earth to slowly yet surly freeze to an unmoving state, until every atom that the planet comes into contact with freezes.


Fairest Trader- train and Istanbul
If you were all alone with a baby and no one was looking, would you beat it up for its candy?

Train– (No reply)
Istanbul- No, I'd just eat it, like usual.


Best Homemade Card Designer- Force of Will Smith
Five household items things are needed in order to completely overthrow the Democratic Party: What are they?

(No reply)


Most Likely to Become Famous for Non-Magic Reasons- DUke
What is the secret to success...... as far as wombats are concerned?

(No reply)


Most Outspoken- Istanbul
What are your thoughts on the 6th infantry division of Theorgg's private sponge bath army?

It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.


Best Writer- Notepad
I don't care what anyone else thinks, but have you gone off the deep end in space?

Kittens in people clothes. <Note from Ransac: I love this answer>


MTG Mascot- The Orgg
If you could beat up and member of the original Power Rangers, who would you beat up and where were you hide their carcass?

I'd beat up the Red ranger, and hide his carcass in the anus of the black ranger.


Best Sig- Spiderman
(Note: I came up with all the questions before the awards. It's rather funny that you get this one) If Spiderman can do whatever a spider can, does that mean he has trouble getting out of the bath?

Normally, yes. But thank goodness for intelligence. I just shoot a web strand up to the ceiling and pull myself out.


CPA Spammer- Nightstalkers
How many mice could a rice lice dice if a rice lice could dice mice?

how much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a neon pink koala bear named ishtar ran into the woods and chucked all the wood before the wood chuck could?


Most Friendly and Helpful- Spiderman
How many penguins must you innocently slaughter before you're sure you've gotten rid of that bird flu?

This is a trick question: None, as everyone knows penguins are not birds but aliens fleeing their home planet that is being gobbled by their sun.


CPA Oldie But Goodie- Killer Joe and TomB
If you were to take long walk off of a short pier, would the mermen catch you and make you their leader or have you angered the God of Fish too much?

TomB- God of Fish = ANGRY. ANGRY God of Fish = me FISHBAIT. Oh well...
Killer Joe- I like tuna and was wondering how can I streamline the process of getting them from the ocean to the can, maybe by feeding them mayonaise while they're out in the open seas? I've must be ticking off some God Fish!


Most Intelligent- EricBess and Notepad
What is the square root of a piece of pie?

EricBess- You know, it is questions like this that really show why Notepad and I win for most intelligent category and people like you just never seem to make it. Your question simply doesn't have an answer and if you were the least bit smart, you would realize that. In order to answer that question, at the very least I would need to know if you were referring to Lemon Merenge, Apple, or Pecan Pie... Duh!
Notepad- That's so easy! There's tons of ways to answer that, but when you're talking about the pieces I tend to eat (like Daffy Duck, cut out a small sliver, then take the rest of the pie), the answer is: One can of Sunday Afternoon, Small Chance of Rain, Partly Cloudy, No Poodles


CPA Legend- train and Zadok001
Are you gellin'?

train- I am so gellin...
Zadok001- (No reply)


Most Spirited- Ransac
What's the worse way for a llama to eat cheese?

I'd imagine it would be rectally.


Most Likely to Win the Pro Tour- Istanbul
If you had to choose between an idjet, a varmint, or a scallywag, which would it be and why?

Varmint. Idjets are way too common in the world, and scallywags are only cute until they grow up into frogs. Some varmints are actually kinda cute, though.


Most Funniest- Ransac
How would you go about handling a life-sized duplicant of Puffy Combs?

I'd eat a bucket of nails and cry for my mommy when they pierced my cheeks. THAT'LL show him.






Ransac, cpa trash man
 
N

Notepad

Guest
Cool! I could laugh and read this all day, in that order! Too bad there were a lot of (no reponse) answers, though.

Kittens in people clothes. ;)
 
A

Apollo

Guest
Crap! I stop by just a little too late for the awards... a shame that I didn't win one. Weren't you guys thinking of me?

And how the heck did Train win CPA legend? I remember when he was knee-high to a certain popular bird...
 
N

Nightstalkers

Guest
Ladies and gentleman, hoboes and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes, and bowlegged ants. I stand here before you, not behind you, to tell you something I know nothing about. Last night about 6:00 this morning, an empty truck loaded with bricks almost killed my dead cat. We rushed him to the hospital, slow as we could, only to find King Arthur, sitting at the fourth corners of the round table eating vinegar with a fork.
 

Spiderman

Administrator
Staff member
Apollo: I think people may have misunderstood what a CPA Legend is supposed to be. However, his new job has kept him from logging on a lot, so in fact, in the past year, he has almost "disappeared" so he could be considered a "legend" (just not a very old one).
 
Top