VSRB

  • Thread starter Thallid Ice Cream Man
  • Start date
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
VSRB(Very Stupid Red Burn) aka RDL2000 (Red Deck Loses)
Cringe in terror of this fiendish decklist!

4 Dwarven Hold
4 Mercadian Bazaar
4 Koskun Keep
2 Karplusan Forest
2 Sulfurous Swamps
1 City of Brass
4 Scorching Spear
4 Tremor
4 Shower of Sparks
4 Searing Touch
4 Death Spark
4 Flare
4 Zap
4 Searing Wind
4 Dwarven Catapult
4 Meteor Shower
4 Red Mana Battery
 
D

Duel

Guest
Okay, I think a couple of the concepts in this deck are way too loose.

Okay, first, there is a viable deck out there. Mono-burn can win. If they play g/w. And no geddons. Or fires, without drawing the combo.

3 Meteor Storm
4 Squee
4 Sonic burst
4 Rhystic lightning
4 Seal of fire
4 Assault/battery
4 Lunge
4 Urza's Rage
3 Jayemdae tomb
3 Hammer of Bogardan
19 mountains
4 Shivan Oasis

Okay, the changes are mostly of two types:
1: replace bad cards with good. One-use spells are decent, if they deal enough. Searing touch is bad. Hammer is better. Searing Wind is bad. Urza's rage is better.

2: Card advantage. Squee w/ sonic burst or meteor storm is this. So is the tomb. So is the hammer.
 
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
Duel - It would seem you didn't realize I was sarcastic. I had hoped maybe my use of Dwarven Catapults would make this clear. Obviously, it did not. I am sorry for the inconvenience.
 
Z

Zadok001

Guest
TICM, my complements on how EXTREMELY appropriate your sig line was for that particular post...
 
G

Gizmo

Guest
Yeah, Catapult was damn fine. It got used in a deck once, but I can`t remember whch one - something old anyway. Might have been BlinkyBind.
 
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
Zadok: Thanks, I do what I can. ;)
(Maybe I should stop winking ;) ah forget it)

Duel: You are right, Dwarven Catapult isn't that bad. After all, you only have to pay 3R to deal 1 damage to each of three creatures if they only control three...

However, I am now surprised that Death Spark in a creature-less deck didn't tip you off either... Hmm, what seems to be the problem? I seem to be very good at correcting you Duel,... j/k :) 'Tis all in good fun.
 
Z

Zadok001

Guest
*sniff*

I LIKE Death Spark! :) I play it in creatureless decks! Really! (I did! Once. And never again.)
 
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
What? The almighty Zadok did such a thing? I spit in your face and in the faces of your grandchildren who haven't been born yet.
 
D

Duel

Guest
Zadok may never HAVE grandchildren.....

Besides, I've made dumber moves in deckbuilding than a death spark in a 0 creature deck. You'll notice my version removed it. See?
 
P

Purple_jester

Guest
You see, Thallid, our good friend Duel is like a bull: direct and to the point, but a little thick in the head.

Most people would realize that Thallid was trying to be funny, hence, putting together some of the worst burn spells ever created. Hence, the title Red Deck Loses 2000. Hence, the emphasis of cringing in terror to the fearsome decklist. Duel, of course, takes a mere glance at a deck type, then stuffs in his own version without understanding the essence and message of the entire post. He means well, but in the face of a subtly comedic post like this, he falls flat on his face. ;)

The deck is hillarious. I was falling off my chair when I got to Koskun Keep. I almost passed out when I read Scorching Spear.

But you forgot one thing. In a deck such as this, one must strive to reach the very depths of suckiness. Therefore, I can do nothing more than to recommend 4 copies of a sterling red burn card, so powerful that it's effects put even Searing Wind to shame: GOBLIN BOMB.

Thank you. Thank you. <bows deeply while trying desperately not to snicker> :D
 
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
Also, the title of the thread was VSRB - namely, Very Stupid Red Burn.

But, how could I have forgotten Goblin Bomb! That is almost the perfect complement. Another card would be especially deadly here - VERTIGO. You know it's good because they named a Hitchcock movie after it (I think) - and who would have written "Goblin Bomb"? H.P. Lovecraft, probably.

Just wanted to see if you people were paying attention...

Also, if you want to read an article of mine that is essentially a more complicated version of this, look for one called "Newbie's Nightmare" from mid-August that I posted originally at the Dojo (shudder). It involves detailed instructions for torturing newbie's to your heart's content. And best of all, it's free!

BTW, all the scrub stuff I talked about on there was because at the Dojo casual players are not received very well (and of course the fact that I am a scrub).

I couldn't resist advertising, since it hadn't been looked at for four months and because I haven't advertised much before. It's so much like this, but a little funnier and more sarcastic, that I immediately thought of it.
 
D

Duel

Guest
[me] lost three games in a row to goblin bomb[/me]

I know, it's sad. You shoulda seen the faces of the table around me as, 3 games straight, a guy beat me with a turn 2 goblin bomb.
 
M

manchot_13

Guest
This looks a lot like my scent of cinder deck...

I originally built one that sort of worked except i never got to use the scent of ciders or cinder seers because i would play all the cards in my hand... so it occured to me to put a bunch of bad cards in my deck, including yes... Scourching spear, which i usually kill people with to insult them... words of blasting, Pyroblasts and volcanic islands, flares and zaps (which work quite well actually) lava axes... rain of salt...and yes, that's right, karplusan giants, when you lose to a 19/19 karplusan giant, you know it's time to rethink your decks strategy... sowing salts, and tourch song...
 
T

Thallid Ice Cream Man

Guest
The new year mandates that this deck be updated. Here it is, RDL2001, SRB (which stands for misSpelled Red Burn) in all its glory!

4 Tinder Farm
4 Sulfur Vent
4 Forsaken City (ultra tech)
4 Meteor Crater (the only colored permanents are Goblin Bombs and Goblin Bombardments)
1 Rhystic Cave
4 Vertigo
4 Death Spark
4 Scorching Spear
4 Goblin Bomb
4 Goblin Bombardment
4 Lightning Dart
4 Tribal Flames
4 Flare
4 Searing Wind
4 Meteor Shower
4 Red Mana Battery

Proper Play Strategy: Pretend you are playing a counterspell deck.

[Edited by Thallid Ice Cream Man on 01-01-01 at 12:27 PM]
 
P

Purple_jester

Guest
We'll soon be seeing a score of 2001 deck revisions! But this is the first! Yes, indeedy!

And what a way to do it! 4 Bombardments n a creatureless deck!!! Bwahahahahaha!!! ;)
 
D

Duel

Guest
I wet Turtlewax Joe just thinking about it!

use 4 City of brasses. fun?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top