Magic can be easily described as a game of Paper-Scissors-Rock, just with some more strategy involved. No one strategy can ever be king, because there are so many anti-strategy parameters built into the game. If one of your opponents is playing Rock, you can build a Paper deck and cream them, but risk losing to all the Scissors decks out there, which are the reason the Rock player exists in the first place. It's a vicious circle, especially if you want to totally devastate one certain deck type. If you want to survive in this game by making an anti-strategy deck, you must weaken that anti-strategy so that you will survive the threat of the anti-strategies to you...or do something else (Die, maybe?).

An anti-artifact deck would be better off in multiplayer, where it will have a lot of targets for its hate. In order to do the most damage in multiplayer, you gotta choose to ignore all those wonderful one-shot cards. You have to come to terms with the fact that Naturalize and Pillage will not be your best friends on this particular voyage. Fortunately, the game has spent ten years preparing to neuter these ugly-looking artifact decks. Call it a prophecy, but there are many reusable weapons for you. The only problem, is you must still be prepared to not come out winning in the game.

"What is that?," you say? Yeah, be prepared to not win. That's not the same as losing! Your goal is to fight the new plague of artifact-themed decks with those hideous new card faces. Once that's done, your objective has been met. You can then go peacefully into the night. Er, I mean, you can then blow the whole friggen world to bits! Yeah...kill all the artifacts, then blow everyone up for a no-winners suicide finish. It's sorta like being a terrorist, except with Magic cards. Trust me, your peers at the table will love you for this.

Actually, this is only for the lunatics who want to make a statement. That, or people who want to get everyone really, really mad at them. Your pick.

THE DECK: Fight the Future

GREEN CREATURES
4x Utopia Tree *(1)
4x Nullmage Advocate
4x Uktabi Orangutan
2x Thornscape Battlemage
2x Quirion Elves
(16 total)

RED CREATURES
3x Gorilla Shaman
2x Viashino Heretic
1x Chandler
1x Joven
(7 total)

SPELLS
4x Mana Flare *(2)
3x Fault Line *(3)
2x Decimate *(4)
2x Shatterstorm
2x Shattering Pulse
(13 total)

LAND
4x Karpulsan Forest *(5)
12x Mountain
8x Forest
(24 total)

REPLACEMENT NOTES:
1: If you happen to have any Birds of Paradise, go for the speed! If you can't get these rare goodies, go for some elves, preferably the remaining Quirion Elves.
2: A lens aimed at Mountains will not be as great a help (plus its one of those ugly artifacts). This is almost an essential card for the deck, so get it if you can. However, it can be replaced with more artifact kill if you feel like it.
3: This is definitely a key card, but if you cannot get a copy, attempt the same results with sorcery equals like Earthquake.
4: A sweet destruction spell, but replace with any killer spell you want. Builder's Bane would be a good option.
5: Can be replaced by Shivan Oasis if you can tolerate the speed reduction.

Other cards to consider for an alternate mix: Floral Spuzzem, Verduran Emissary (hold those laughs...its easier to use than the Battlemage if you don't care about the direct damage aspect), Detonate, Primitive Justice, Builder's Bane, Hammer Mage, Goblin Tinkerer...and that's just the beginning of a long list of fun artifact hate!

THE RUNDOWN:
This deck is so straightforward, I wonder if it even needs an analysis of how it works. You simply blow artifacts up. You have many reusable methods, as well as "comes into play" creatures to help out. The result is you'll have a few weenies on the ground to launch strikes early, or against weakened opponents who rely too heavily on their metal trinkets (that'll show 'em!). Decimate is a wonderful card to send a message to an artifact-using opponent, that being: "See this, four-for-one card advantage, and all because you're playing those stupid new card faces!" Heh.

You can dismantle Equipment, Affinity, Nim, and Atog decks pretty fast if you play this in multiplayer. The problem comes from other players who are smart enough to avoid the new card faces. In that case, you make friends with them. Mana Flare is by far the easiest way to do this. Just slap them down on the table, and the other players will come to appreciate you as much as the people who play Howling Mine. This helps you, and it helps your new buddies, but it doesn't help the artifact players, as they tend to have a their resources somewhat tied up in artifact mana, which means less of a benefit for them. Nullmage Advocate is a wonderful sidekick for Mana Flare in the "Be My Friend" department. You get to destroy artifacts for free every turn. Oh, did I saw free? I mean, it costs you having to Restock a player every turn. Hmm, sounds like an easy way to make allies!

Shatterstorm and Shattering Pulse, believe it or not, belong at two each. With all the artifact hate you have, you'll find that Shatterstorm will not be as potent as you might think. Shattering Pulse, on the other hand, will also see less use than usual thanks to your dedication to blowing metal up. Rather than load up on four of one, you gotta realize that they both do something the other doesn't. The storm kills everything at once, while the pulse is slower but can take out threats in the future.

Oh yes, and as for Gorilla Shaman (a.k.a.: Mox Monkey), he still does what he always did best: Kill moxes! He also gets the promotion of Artifact Land Destroyer! You can put a hit out on said cards for just one mana. His prices get a little steeper quickly for other artifacts, but the ability to hurt early artifact mana is just plain vicious. He'll be a great MVP any day.

Finally, it is possible that you can blow up the artifact players, cause them to be killed by the non-artifact players, and then proceed to win with an army that contains nothing bigger than a pair of 3/3s, but that will be rare. What's way more likely is that you'll de-throne the artifact players, and the non-artifact players may or may not kill them. It all depends on your skill in diplomacy. You may be able to steer your friends to your defense, but not for too long. Eventually diplomacy will break down, or the look of a nigh defenseless opponent (you) will be too tempting, or you will tick off the friends of the artifact players.

The odds are against you. You will not win. But, you can make it so nobody wins! Send a message with Fault Line, which is an instant (and thus better than Earthquake or Hurricane). You can sit there grinning the whole time, knowing that you've built up enough mana and are ready to cause a Game Over for everyone at a moment's notice.

As the Team M94 handbook says:
Hand-to-hand fighting: Open jacket and expose bomb, duct-taped to chest. Shout, "Let's get it on--"
-BOOM!!!-

SIGN OFF

Stay tuned for next time, when we take a little trip to Dwarf-ville, populated by the angry cousins of Snow White's best friends. We'll toss around a few ideas.

Have Fun!
-Sean "SeFRo" Roney